Jay Leno, the former Tonight Show host, called to complain about the jokes we didn’t like.

My boss — and friend — who’d been laid off from work was having a birthday and wanted to know where I was.

Heather told me she was unhappy about how self-centered I am.

My kids are sick.

I have a cold.

There was no AA for me because I have a cold.

The executives don’t know which way is up.

We cancelled the couples counselor.

The dog has a cyst on her head.

The internet is slow at all the wrong times.

My edit didn’t work.

My friends all want to leave their good jobs.

I still indulge in the bad habit.

Being close to Heather seems like it’s not an option.

Mom bought a car for my sister who doesn’t have her shit together.

When I calculate our $$ my wife tells me, yeah, but we don’t own a house.

Honestly, I can’t wait to go to sleep when no one will ask anything of me. And even if they could, I’d be asleep.

I feel like a huge failure in every department.

It is definitely raining. And the rainy season is likely going to last another two months.