First Year

Someone asked me recently what the physical and mental benefits of quitting the drink were.

I’m so used to the platitudes of the program, it took me a moment to focus on what was really being asked.

I was a relatively high functioning alcoholic when I stopped 20 years ago.

While it didn’t stop the divorce from happening, I stopped looking at the split from a retrospective POV and started looking up toward the future with trust: what next?

Over the course of that first year I started sleeping better (no more waking up with the shakes and sweats as the liver tries to figure out the blood sugar), which was huge for dealing with stress, business problems, and enjoying the good moments better. I had a lot of shame about drinking that also clouded my mental landscape and generally kept me in a state of discomfort. That slowly evaporated and was replaced with a sense of “rightness” I’ll call it (others might say spiritual fitness) — a more positive sense of myself that led to less second guessing, less feeling like a hider of things, a secret imposter.

And I had more open energy. I stopped waking up thinking about how to avoid the liquor store and started looking forward to meetings and fellowship. I felt less alone and sought healthy connection.

20 years on, I’m still sober. I have two kids and a marriage that’s healthy enough to contain ways to deal with anger and resentment when they happen, AND deal with changes we didn’t see coming. And when anxiety wakes me in the still of the night, I’m not pouring booze on it and causing more problems than I need to.

It ain’t perfect. But it’s better for sure.