I am unable to help myself. Every time the 11 year-old takes a pass on anything that is work, I tell him that he is making a mistake. That life is work and finding the work you want to do is worthwhile. But giving up before anything is understood is to cut short your chance to discover the heart. You have to cut skin and break bone sometimes to get to the beating matter.

But it all comes out wrong and I make him feel stupid and lazy. Okay, Dad, he says. I’ll keep doing it if you think I should.

It is the wrong lesson and I seem unable to learn it.